Friday, September 2, 2011

What am I going to do?

Mood: Confused


So, as the title appropriately reads, I have no idea what I am doing anymore. And this isn't the first time that I have had to ask myself this question, but with the recent developments in my life, it is as if I cannot have a simple life anymore.

What do I mean by that, you may ask? Well, for starters, I  decided to come out to another friend of mine. She and I have known each other throughout high school and currently attend the same university. In fact, we even live in the same dormitory. So with the luck that I have had in coming out so far, I decided to tell her the truth about myself.


Now, mind you, I did not do this without some serious reflection and 'research.' Basically, I had to figure out her opinion on the subject of homosexuality before I decided whether or not to tell her. The reason being that she is a very spiritual person and I wasn't sure how that might affect her opinion.

So over the past two years, since we never really talked about it in high school, she and I have had small discussions on current issues (i.e. DADT and DoM) and I learned a lot about her thoughts and feelings on the subject. She is for more open-minded than I thought.

Side note: Although I knew I was gay for the longest time, I was always so angry about it that I projected my anger out into discussions like these. Therefore, in her mind probably, I was very 'homophobic'. Ironic, isn't it?

Anyways, after moving back into campus we decided to have dinner together. We met up and got caught up on everything that we had done over the summer. Then we went back to her dorm room and just relaxed and talked some more. We talked about the coming semester, about her engagement (it seems more of my friends are getting engaged but that's another story) and just life in general.

Then the discussion turned to myself and about my 'love life' (or the lack thereof). That's when I made up my mind that if there was ever going to be a time to say it, it was now or never. So I told her the truth about myself. But here's the kicker, she came out as a bisexual to me! I definitely didn't see that one coming.

That officially makes the count three people! lol

The New Roommate


Okay, so if you read my last post, you know that my new roommate this year is gay. And while it would seem like an incredible coincidence that I would meet another gay guy on my campus so quickly, honestly I am still concerned whether this is such a good idea.

Why do I say this? Well to be frank, I don't know this guy. I don't know what his opinions are on living with another gay guy or on being in the closet or, if anything else, what his boyfriend will think about it. I mean my roommate is really cool. He sings, plays the guitar and violin and we have the same major. He is also very considerate about whether or not I am being bothered when I study. But, for whatever reason, he won't change his pants in front of me.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't anything sexual. As guys go, we should be able to change our clothes in front of each other. I mean, otherwise gym class must have been horribly awkward. I don't know if he is just that humble or what, but he doesn't mind changing in front of his friends that are girls. I probably shouldn't be worried about it, this isn't the most important thing ever.

So I guess if there was ever a time I could use advice, now would be that time. Should I come out to my roommate?

If so, how long should I wait? How should I tell him?

If not, how should I handle the situation?

Any advice would be great! :)

Much love!

3 comments:

  1. There are times to hold back and times to let it all out. Only you can figure out when that should be. But from this older gay guy.. now is the time. What better time than to tell your roomate. He is gay, he above all people will understand what you are going through. It might even help you feel more secure in telling others.
    Telling the truth about one's self is never the wrong thng to do.

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  2. If my experience can inform his actions at all, it's probably fear. I hate changing in front of other men and can't even use a urinal unless there is a partition. After being harassed for years during gym class, it becomes a very scary thing to disrobe in front of straight men because you are in constant fear that they will harass you in some way. If he thinks you are straight, he's probably afraid of you - or worried that you will think he is trying to "get in your pants" by changing in front of you.

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  3. Refusing to get naked may mean he's insecure which u have no control over. And as for coming out, I've found that letting your confidence show allows others to do the same...meaning he may open up and u guys can talk about everything under the sun. A heart to heart chat between guys only happens every few months, lol.

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